The Beauty of the Vows in a Hindu Wedding Ceremony

When we think of the Hindu wedding ceremony, the image that comes to mind is one of endless smoke-laden torture of the bride and groom and the ennui of meeting with an infinite number of forgotten relatives and friends-of-friends. The only fun and meaningful aspect of the wedding appears to be the song and dance with the baraat and sangeet and the opportunity to dress up. In fact, the bride and groom appear to be mere figureheads for what seems to be a function for the family and the community at large. At first sight, it looks so different from a church wedding with its simple elegance and with the most critical moment belonging exclusively to the bride and groom saying their vows. In Muslim marriages, the bride at least gets to say 'qubool hai' (it is acceptable) the Hindu woman never seems to be asked her opinion about the wedding.
In actual fact, the Hindu wedding is for the most part, not a religious ceremony but a beautiful conversation between the bride and the groom, reaffirming their commitment to each other, to a life together, to together good deeds, and to raise beautiful children and grandchildren. Unfortunately, we have outsourced the entire ceremony to the hapless priest assuming that the whole proceeding is directed at appeasing the gods. Ironically the priest is left reciting the parts on behalf of both the bride and groom and is mostly getting married to himself, while the bride and groom, unaware of the import of the proceedings are restlessly waiting to get to the song and dance party that are peripheral to the entire proceedings. I have written this blog to demystify and bring to life the beauty and grace of the wedding vows in a Hindu marriage in the hope that young folks getting ready to enter matrimony will participate meaningfully in the proceeding of this, one of the most important days of their lives. I would love to hear your feedback and would look forward to optimizing the content of this living document to meet your needs.


What are the essential elements of a Hindu wedding?

Madhuparka: The offering of a milk and honey mixture to bridegroom called madhuparka
Kanyadaana: The giving away of the bride
paaNigrhaNa: The groom takes the bride's hands
Agni parikrama or pradakshina circumambulation of the fire by the bride and groom
Laaja homa: Fire sacrifice with puffed rice
asmanaarohaNa or shilaarohaNa: The bride steps on the grindstone
Hridaya sparshaNa: The bride and groom touch each other's hearts
saptapadi: The bride and groom take seven steps and exchange vows

What are the most important rituals in a Hindu wedding?

Manu, the lawgiver, states " पाणिग्रहणीका मंत्रा नियतं दारलक्षणं  तेषां निष्ठा विंज्ञेया विद्वद्भिः सप्तमे पदे "The

The taking of the hand in marriage ( pANigrahaNam) is certain proof of the maiden being made a lawful wife, though the learned should know that the wedding is complete when the seventh step ( of the saptapadi) has been completed. So in fact, paNigrahanam and saptapadi are the most essential part of the Hindu wedding ceremony. 

A brief description of the wedding rituals

By way of introduction, I have provided a brief description of the wedding rituals and included pictures where available in the public domain. Please let me know if you would like to learn more. If you have questions about the actual words uttered and their meanings, regional variations, or other rituals beyond the core described in the Vedas I am happy to provide them in future posts Also, I am happy to discuss how to interpret or amend these rituals in today's context.

                                                                       
agni parikrama  A crucial part of the wedding is the homage paid by the couple to agni, the fire-god. They circle around the fire and fee it with gee and twigs. Agni is deemed as a witness to the marriage ( agni sAkshi)

  asmanaarohaNa or shilaarohaNa Holding the bride’s left foot toe, the bridegroom helps her tread on a grindstone kept on the right side of the fire. The Manthras says: "Mount up this stone. Let thy mind be roc-firm, unperturbed, by the trials and tribulations of life. "

  kanyadaana

The bride sits on her father’s lap and is given away as a gift by him, to the bridegroom.

                                                             
paaNigrhaNa

This means "taking the hand". The groom holds the hand of the bride. The Manthras say: The Devas have offered you to me in order that I may live the life of a householder ( GRIHASTA ); we shall not part from each other even after we grow old? " This means "holding hands". The groom holds the hand of the bride. The Manthras say: The Devas have offered you to me in order that I may live the life of a householder ( GRIHASTA ); we shall not part from each other even after we grow old? "

 Laaja homa This comprises the bride’s own offering to the sacrificial fire with the help of her brother He gives her a handful of parched rice grains which she hands to the bridegroom who on her behalf, feeds it into the fire. Through this food offering, the bride seeks a long life for her husband, and the propagation of the family. Participation of the bride’s family members indicates the continuance of links between the two families, even after marriage. The couple circle around the fire, three times, and the feeding of the fire with parched rice, is repeated thrice.

saptapadi Holding the bride’s hand, the bridegroom walks seven steps with her. This is the most important part of the marriage ceremony, and only when they walk seven steps together ( i.e., perform SAPTHAPADHI) is the marriage complete legally. The belief is that when one walks 7 steps with another, one becomes the another’s friend. The manthras recited then, mean: "Ye who have walked seven steps with me, become my companion, where by I acquire your friendship. We shall remain together inseparable. Let us make a vow together; we shall share love, share the same food, and share the strength, the same tastes. We shall be of one mind, we shall observe the vow together. I shall be the SAMA, you the RIG: I shall be the Upper World, you the earth; I shall be the SUKHILAM, you the HOLDER – together we shall live, beget children, and other riches, come thou, O sweet-worded girl? "

Maangalya dhAraNam

The tying of the Mangala Sutra, the sacred thread that signifies the married state. The bride seated over a sheaf of grain-laden hay, and the bridegroom, ties the gold Mangala Sutra around the neck of the bride.  Three knots are tied – the first one by the bridegroom, the other two knots by his sister to make the bride a parts of the boy’s family. The Vedic hymn recited by the bridegroom when he ties the knot, is: " Praying the Almighty that I be blessed with a long life, I tie this knot around your neck, oh soubhaygavati, may providence bestow on you a fulfilling life of a ‘Sumangalis’ for a hundred years to co

madhuparka  

The bride’s father offers a mixture of curd, ghee and honey to the groom.Curd, ghee and honey, all are considered to be good for one's health. Besides, these edibles are believed to be auspicious and impart good effects to whatsoever associated with it.

Surya namaskara or Arundhati darshanam if at night  

Next he shows her the Star ARUNDHATI ( of the SAPTHA RISHI Constellation ), as also DHRUVA the polestar. Arundhati, the wife of VASISHTA Mahrishi, is exemplified as an ideal wife, the embodiment of chastity. DHRUVA is the one who attained immortality through single-minded devotion and perseverance – virtues to be emulated through out married life. 

 hRidaya sparshana. The bride and groom touch other's heart, symbolic of promising their hearts to each other for ever.

Sindoor placement  Placement of the red pigment in the parting of the bride's hair as a marker of her married status.